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TEENS SPEAK
OUT
What Parents Do Right and Wrong
BY ELIZABETH LIVESAY
Copyright 1999 by Parents' Press
Skjold
Photography,
all rights reserved
Elizabeth Livesay is a student at Tehachapi (CA) High School. She polled 60 other high school students, ages 14-16, for this article.
"I am doing this for your own good," parents often say. Although we know deep down that this statement has much truth to it, we hate to admit it.
Despite this reluctance, I've put together - with the help of 60 other teenagers - an honest list of parenting techniques that work well, and others that we think should be forgotten because they wasted our parents' time!
10 Excellent Parenting Techniques
1. Lectures. As much as we hate to admit it, lectures affect us a lot. Whether we are in trouble or you are warning not to do something stupid, lectures always impact us greatly. When you raise your voice at us, we understand that no more games will be played, and that you mean every word you say.
We take lectures as very serious conversations. Whether we show it or not, we all walk away from lectures scared of your wrath but having gained much wisdom.
2. Grounding. Don't be afraid to take away our privileges and belongings. Although we may pretend that we hate you, we'll get over it quickly. If we deserve to be punished, punish us!
3. Tell us "No!" None of us wants to turn out as a spoiled brat. If you honestly don't want us to go somewhere or hang out with someone, then tell us "no." Use this technique from the time we are little until we leave the house. The simple word "no" can never be worn out.
4. Communicate. We like you, and we want to have conversations with you. Tell us your daily plans and what help you need from us. Ask us questions and listen to our answers. From the time we are little, work on building a trusting relationship with us.
5. Show us respect. Let us have our privacy unless we give you the right to invade it. Respect our feelings and beliefs. Of course sometimes we will disagree with each other, so show us your point of view and let us show you ours. If our opinion is absolutely wrong in your eyes, tell us why in a polite way. If you respect us, we will respect you.
6. "I love you!" Say this often. We love hearing you say these beautiful and perfect words to us. We guarantee that the more you say these words to us, the more we will say them to you!
7. Give us freedom to make some mistakes. Of course you don't want us to make the same stupid mistakes that you made, but sometimes we need to. Don't let us make any huge, life-changing mistakes, but give us freedom to mess up a little. We learn well from our mistakes.
However, don't ever hesitate to teach us right from wrong. Setting a good example is the best way to teach us how to live.
8. Praise us for doing good. We love to please you, and your opinion matters greatly to us. When you see us doing something good, let us know.
9. Support activities that we enjoy. We sit through your favorite television shows and we pretend to show interest in everything you do, but the truth is sometimes we are having the worst time of our lives trying to please you. If we play piano, come to our recitals without complaining, and compliment us. We support what you like, so try to support what we like as well.
10. Have fun with us. Don't be afraid to take us places and have good times with us. We will all remember our childhood days forever, so help us make them memorable.