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What Parents Do Right ­ and Wrong PAGE 2 BY ELIZABETH LIVESAY Copyright 1999 by Parents' Press 10 PARENTING TECHNIQUES FOR THE GARBAGE CAN 1. Not sticking to a punishment. This can be blamed on our excellent manipulation skills, but don't give in. If you punish us, leave the punishment intact unless it was completely unfair. Every time you give in, you become a bigger victim of manipulation. 2. Taking out bad moods on us. We all have bad days, but try not to take yours out on us. We feel like it is our fault when the truth is, you are just being human. When you have a bad day, tell us, and we will leave you alone ­ but we can't read your mind! 3, Bribing. We really hate to let you in on this secret, but bribing us doesn't work. We love getting money and other things from you, but this portrays you as a softy. 4. Telling our secrets to other people. You need to hold up your end of our trusting relationship. When we tell you a secret and then hear you repeating it to your best friend, we lose our trust in you. If we tell you something for your ears only, then keep it there! 5. Changing rules with every child. Of course some of the minor rules will change between children, but the major ones ­ such as curfews, dating, wearing make-up, and backtalking ­ need to stay the same from child to child. 6. Keeping important information from us. When quiet conversations are going on and you change moods easily, we know that a problem has occurred. If you intend to keep a secret from the family for a while and then spring it on everyone, don't keep it a secret for too long. 7. Comparing us to siblings. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Don't compare us to our brothers and sisters. Not only do you make us feel dumb, you make us feel left out. If we do something wrong, point it out, but don't compare us to our peers. 8. Blaming us for something we didn't do. If we are being blamed for something and tell you we didn't do it, take our word for it ­ unless we've been known for lying in the past or unless you have strong evidence to think otherwise. 9. Distributing punishment unjustly. When we and one of our siblings break the same rule, punish us to the same degree. Don't always punish us exactly the same way, but do not let one of us get off easy and the other be grounded for life. 10. The silent treatment. The silent treatment should never be necessary. We just become more frustrated with you, and your anger level rises too. Work out the problem, don't ignore it! Most of all, remember that we love you and want to be your friend. Comments about this article? Send us an e-mail and we'll add your remarks to the feedback page.