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What
Can I Do to Lessen the Chance That My Teen Will Have Sex at an
Early Age?
By Susan Panzarine
© Copyright 2000 by Susan Panzarine, all rights reserved.
Excerpted with permission from "A Parent's Guide to the Teen Years: Raising Your 11- to 14-Year-Old in the Age of Chat Rooms and Navel Rings" by Susan Panzarine (Checkmark Books, an imprint of Facts On File, Inc. New York, 2000, $14.95 paperback).
Photo: Skjold Photography, all rights reserved
Help
your child slow down. Sure you might have to buck the crowd,
and that's never easy. But given what we know from research,
it's smart policy to be firm and insist that your young teen
not date one-on-one at this age. There's plenty of time for this
later on in adolescence. This avoids putting teens in situations
they may not be mature enough to handle.
See if you
can subtly stack the deck with respect to friends. This isn't
always realistic since young teens are very opinionated about
whom they like and don't like, and what groups are in or out.
And if they even get a whiff of parental interference, it will
guarantee that the friends of your choice will be treated like
they have leprosy.
Despite these caveats, it's still worthwhile to move ahead gingerly. So if possible, provide your teen with opportunities to join peer groups engaged in positive activities. These might be youth groups at the Y, your church or synagogue, the Scouts, or groups of young people who do community service. If there's a casual friend who stands out as someone you'd like your child to become better acquainted with, suggest he invite him along on a family activity.
This isn't a guarantee that these teens aren't involved in sexually mature activities. But they'll be teens who have free time occupied by worthwhile endeavors, leaving less opportunity for undesirable ones.
Screen
R-rated movies, videos, and TV shows for sexual content. If they're
age inappropriate, make them off limits. You can also check the
labels on CDs that carry warnings if the content isn't intended
for young people.
Be prepared to hear something like, "But, Mom, that is so unfair! Every single one of the kids at school has already seen this movie. Their parents don't treat them like babies. You don't trust me. You don't think I can handle things. Don't you know I know all about this stuff? What do you think we talk about in school, anyway?"
Be tough and stick to your guns. Your instincts will tell you if you're being reasonable or not, and whether a show should be off limits. You can respond, "Every family has different rules. And one of ours is that you can't watch things that we think are inappropriate for someone your age." It won't end there, of course, so be prepared for some teens to launch an aggressive campaign.
But there are other options you can consider too. In some cases, watching certain shows with teens can be a valuable experience. You can use that time to discuss what they see and how they're interpreting the messages being delivered.
Find out your teen's reaction to questionable values that are portrayed. Challenge points of view with which you disagree. Is your teen understanding the messages that are subtly being communicated about sexuality? Are there any consequences for unprotected sex? Are other risky sexual behaviors made to look attractive? Speak up loud and clear when things are misrepresented and reality is being distorted.
Supervise,
supervise, supervise! You can radically diminish teens' opportunities
to get involved in sex and other potential problem behaviors
by making sure their time and activities are adequately supervised.
This includes time after school, on weekends, and in the summer,
and time spend in or out of the home.
Of course, arranging appropriate supervision can be a recurring parental nightmare because of work responsibilities. If you can't physically be there yourself, try to make other arrangements so that another adult can be. If that's not possible, keep in close touch with teens when they're home and monitor their activities and whereabouts.
Remember the old public service announcement, "It's 10 p.m. do you know where your children are?" Well, knowing the answer to that question is important at any time of the day.
Help
ensure your child's success in school. Parents still have a crucial
role in their child's academic success during the middle school
years.
Susan Panzarine
holds a doctoral degree in nursing and has worked in the field
of adolescent health for the past 20 years. The mother of two,
she lives in New Jersey.
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